Thoughtfulness — Kat Latham

Writing sexy books with your mom in mind

20 Mar2013 posted by Kat

My mom is infinitely cooler than I am – always has been, always will be. I first started figuring this out when I was a pre-teen and my friends wanted to spend more time talking with my mom than with me because she gives such great advice and is a wonderful listener.

She’s the kind of open, honest person that every girl deserves to have as a parent. When I was young, she answered all of my questions about sex very frankly but also in a way that helped me understand that sex belonged between people who loved each other. It was a special act, but one that had appropriate words. Respectful words.

Me and Mom

When I first told my mom I was writing a romance novel, she was thrilled. She’s not a romance reader, but she immediately asked if she could read my novel. For some reason, this weirded me out a little. It’s one thing to be seven and ask your mom where your baby cousin came from. It’s another to send her the sexy novel you wrote.

The first time she asked, I was totally unprepared for the question. I was just writing it to help me stay sane while a nasty hosebeast of a work project tried to drown me. Read my sexy story? No way – no one would ever! So I just cringed and said, “Maybe when it’s finished,” knowing full well that I would probably never finish it.

Then I finished the draft and she asked again. “Maybe after I’ve gotten feedback from a few other people. It’s really rough right now, Mom. I don’t want you to see it until it’s ready.”

After a while, she figured out I was just making excuses and she asked, “Do you feel awkward because it has sex in it?”

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Filed Under: About Katrina, Thoughtfulness

Friday favorites: Buy a T-shirt, help rebuild a home for Sandy survivors

22 Feb2013 posted by Kat

I’ve worked for charities for years, so I love seeing new and interesting ways of raising money for worthy causes.

I recently discovered Sevenly.org, a website that raises money for a different charity every week by selling specially designed T-shirts. For each T-shirt they sell, they donate $7 to that week’s charity.

This week, they’re raising money for Forward Edge International to help survivors of Hurricane Sandy repair or rebuild their homes.

You can see this week’s T-shirt designs in this video.

The T-shirts tend to hover in the $25-30 range which, to my mind, makes them shirts, not T-shirts. They look gorgeous, and I would happily wear one to work. Then again, I work from home, so no one gives a crap what I wear.

Anyway, I recommend checking out their site and signing up to their newsletter or following them on Facebook, Twitter or Pinterest. Last week they raised money to fund undercover missions to free girls (yes, underage girls) from brothels in India. Who knows what they’ll fund next week, but if you’d like to do something nice for Sandy survivors and you can afford a new shirt, you have about three days left to get one from Sevenly.

What do you think of Sevenly’s idea? See any shirts you like? Do you know of other interesting fundraising sites?

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Filed Under: Friday favorites, Thoughtfulness

Would you pay to browse in a bookshop?

20 Feb2013 posted by Kat

Last Friday, I was listening to You & Yours, BBC Radio 4′s consumer affairs program, and heard the CEO of HarperCollins say something that stuck with me all weekend.

“Only 35% of fiction in the UK is bought through a physical bookshop…I don’t want to take the bookshop away. I desperately want to keep it. But I think the question is, will they be able to sustain themselves?…In America, certain shoe shops are charging to try on shoes because people are just going in, trying them on and then ordering them online. I think the idea of a bookshop becoming a book club is not that insane.”

Victoria Barnsley, CEO of HarperCollins UK and International

You can listen to the discussion on Radio 4′s website (it starts at 21 min 05 seconds).

My first reaction was to wonder which shoe shops in the U.S. charge people to try on shoes. Fortunately not the ones I’ve ever been to because I find shoes impossible to shop for.

My second reaction was fear, which seems to be my default mode when I think about the possibility of bookshops disappearing. I say that even though I rarely buy things from bookshops any more – but the main reason for that is because I live in a country where the English-language selection is small.

Two Dutch scholars browse at the University of Leiden, 1610

When I visit bookshops in the U.K. and U.S., I’m so excited to be surrounded by books that I inevitably walk out with my arms full and my credit card smoking. But I also completely understand people who browse in bookstores and then buy wherever they find the best deal – which will often be online.

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Friday favorites: A six year old gives great advice on how not to be scared

15 Feb2013 posted by Kat

Bianca Giaever was just about to graduate with a degree in narrative studies (how cool does that sound?) and was a little nervous about what would happen next. She was creating a short film and asked six-year-old Asa what the film should be about. He told her a story about a bear and a mouse that ends up having a much deeper meaning. The miniature Aesop tells Bianca to think about the things she likes until “the nervous has gone out of you” – because the scared feeling is scared of all the things you like.

If you’re feeling scared or nervous, I think this video will help chase those feelings away – at least for about eight minutes. (You may have to refresh this post a couple of times in order to see the video player.)

the Scared is scared from Bianca Giaever on Vimeo. (I originally found this video on Good.is)

I love Asa’s advice. For me, the last several months have been magical. A long-awaited baby on the way and my first book coming out in August..what more joy could I have? But, of course, those are both a very big deal, and they can bring the Nervous and the Scared.

So what will I think about when they hit me? The way new babies smell. Their sleepy smiles and their tight grip around your finger. Long hugs from Smarty Pants. The warmth of San Diego sunshine on my face. Fresh guacamole and salsa from my favorite Mexican restaurant. The decadent hot chocolate the cafe next door sells. The joy of discovering a new author I love. The way my abs ache from laughing when I’m with my friends.

What do you think of when the Nervous and the Scared attack you?

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Filed Under: Friday favorites, Thoughtfulness

Happy Valentine’s Day! Will your relationship keep you alive longer?

14 Feb2013 posted by Kat

Valentine heart chocolates, via freeimages.co.uk

The annual day of candy- and card-pushers is here. For many, it’s just another day. For some, it’s a time to feel the pressure of making a grand romantic gesture. For Stuart Heritage, a journalist who writes for the UK’s Guardian newspaper, it’s a day to examine whether your relationship will keep you alive longer – or lead you to an early grave.

Brits are so fun.

Stuart put together this infographic – A one-page guide to your romantic happiness (or doom) – to tell you whether your life is happier with your partner in it. Since Smarty Pants and I have a baby on the way, I’ve discovered that this baby means my life is statistically likely to last longer. Apparently childless couples die younger, but have great holidays in the meantime – so it’s not all bad.

So tell me, where do you end up on this infographic?

View this document on Scribd

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Filed Under: Thoughtfulness

Friday favorites: Letters from a British nurse in World War One

1 Feb2013 posted by Kat

Up until a couple of years ago, I worked for the British Red Cross as a writer and editor. One of my favorite activities was talking to our archivist and finding interesting items that had been collected throughout the organization’s 145+ year history.

I thought you might like these letters, which our archivist pointed out to me just before I moved to the Netherlands. They’re letters from a Red Cross nurse who volunteered in Surrey during the First World War. Many wounded British soldiers were evacuated back to Britain to recover, and the author of these letters, Miss Dorothy M Robinson, nursed them back to health at Waverley Abbey Military Hospital.

You can read the original documents on Scribd, but I’ve also transcribed my favorite – the third in the series – below so it’s easier to read. I love it because she talks about so many things: how long she can make £2 last, what kinds of practical jokes the soldiers got up to, and what happens when a Zeppelin comes close. And, of course, the problem with servants. Her last line kills me every time I read it.

I originally wrote about these for the Red Cross because it was when season 2 of Downton Abbey was on TV in the UK, and Lady Sybil became a Red Cross nurse. So if you’re a Downton Abbey fan, here’s another upper-crust young woman doing her bit for the country.

And if you just like history, I hope you enjoy these letters.

View this document on Scribd

French letters and rubber johnnies: Condom use in romance novels

30 Jan2013 posted by Kat

photo: israelavila

Last week I discovered an absolutely wonderful blog – Romance Novels for Feminists. Though I’m proud to hold my hand up and shout that I’m a feminist, I don’t think you have to identify yourself as one in order to enjoy this blog.

Jackie, who runs the blog, published a very thoughtful post last week on the use of contraception in romance novels. She discusses a couple of articles in scholarly journals, including one which looks at contemporary romance novels that won the RITA between 1989 and 2009. (The article is “‘Whatever the Approach, Tab B Still Fits into Slot A’: Twenty Years of Sex Scripts in Romance Novels”, published by A. Dana Ménard and Christine Cabrera, psychologists at the University of Ottawa, in the journal Sexuality & Culture in April of 2011).

Jackie takes a closer look at the article, so I encourage you to read her post. One of the study’s conclusions was that there was quite an increase in the use of contraception. Only 18.5% of the books they studied that had been released between 1989 and 1999 mentioned the hero and heroine using contraception. Compare that to 57.9% of the novels published between 2000-2009.

Now, granted, they were studying a tiny number of books. Only one book wins the RITA for contemporary single-title romance each year, but romance authors judged them each to be the best novel published that year. It’s hard to say whether these are representative of contemporary romance as a whole, but it got me thinking about all of the romance I read in those time periods.

I probably started reading romance around 1990. I stopped around 2002, since I was doing my own studies and didn’t have time for much else, but I started reading romance again (voraciously) in 2008 or 2009 – and I noticed a massive shift in many things, including the sex scenes.

Suddenly it seemed like everyone was using contraception – condoms, in particular. In fact, I’m surprised that only 57.9% of the novels in the study had contraceptive use, but again, it might not be the most representative sample.

I noticed that even historical romances had couples discussing ways to avoid baby-making (since no one wants all those randy lords to be pox-ridden in a historically accurate way). The more I read, the more my vocabulary grew (“What are these French letters?” I asked myself as I opened Google).

When I was a fledgling romance writer, one of my critique partners read the very first sex scene I had ever let anyone read. I was still stuck in the old ways of romance, which meant a rather passive heroine and no condoms. “They need to at least discuss condoms,” Roni wrote, and that opened my eyes even more.

I remember back in the 80s, many people complained that condoms kill the mood – though I can’t imagine anything killing the mood faster than a crying baby or an itchy wang.

Romance heroes these days seem not just ready but eager to use condoms. Years ago I asked my husband, “If we ever have a son, what would you say to him about using condoms?” He replied, “I’d tell him not to see condoms as an annoyance but as something great, something that means you get to have sex.”

Romance heroes these days seem to have a similar attitude. It’s often not even discussed. The hero just reaches into his wallet or nightstand when he’s about to get lucky. If the couple decides not to use a condom, it’s usually a sign that the hero and heroine are committed.

Not only do romance novelists seem more comfortable creating responsible heroes, but they also seem to use condoms to show their heroes’ virility. Heroes never struggle to roll latex over skin. They almost always have a ready supply. Have condoms become one more way for authors to show that their heroes are studs?

Have you noticed a change in how contraception is used in romance? Does the mention of a hero ripping open a condom kill the mood for you, or do you even notice it?

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Filed Under: Contemporary romance spotlight, Thoughtfulness

Friday favorites: Happy birthday to meow!

25 Jan2013 posted by Kat

I’m going to start doing something different. On Fridays, I’m going to post something I love. Might be a video, a link to a cool site I’ve discovered, a book recommendation, whatever. Friday should be a day to celebrate awesomeness.

Today’s my birthday, so here’s my favorite video of a cat singing happy birthday. I’m sure there are lots of cat-singing-happy-birthday videos out there, but I love this one.

Do you have a favorite birthday video? Cat video? Cat-singing-happy-birthday video? Share the link!

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Filed Under: Friday favorites, Thoughtfulness

Wandering through Wordsworth’s Tintern Abbey

23 Jan2013 posted by Kat

Just before I graduated from college, I started making a list of 100 things I wanted to do before I died. Sadly, I lost it (perhaps “Be more organized” should’ve been one of them), but I remember three of the items.

One of them was to visit Tintern Abbey on the Welsh/English border, which William Wordsworth wrote a poem about. And, just in case you think I’ve always been a complete nerd, let me tell you that the number one thing on my list was to have sex in a glass-bottomed Tahitian tree house. (Still not checked off, sadly.)

Smarty Pants and I spent New Year’s Eve with friends in Wales, so we took the opportunity to visit the abbey. Friends, it was well worth the ten-year wait.

The abbey from the front

The abbey from the side

The abbey was built between the 1130s and 1530s, but it fell into disrepair after Henry VIII dissolved the monasteries.

Two hundred and fifty years later, the abbey was a popular tourist destination for Georgian society. According to Wikipedia, Fanny Price from Jane Austen’s Mansfield Park had an engraving of the abbey in her sitting room (though my memory’s not good enough to recall that detail from the book).

In his Lyrical Ballads, Wordsworth published his poem ”Lines written a few miles above Tintern Abbey, on revisiting the banks of the Wye during a tour, July 13, 1798″. Pithy title, huh?

Reading the poem – the title alone took me several minutes

Inside the abbey

Wordsworth had visited the abbey five years earlier, when he was a young man with a lot of problems. He’d left his pregnant French girlfriend in France because he didn’t have any money, and then the French revolution prevented him from going back.

The second time he visited the abbey, his life had changed. He’d met Samuel Taylor Coleridge, a fellow poet who became a close friend for decades afterward. He also visits the abbey with his sister, who became his lifelong companion.

Inside the abbey

His second visit to the abbey prompts him to write a poem, reflecting on nature’s beauty and how it has stayed with him through the five years since he first visited. He also rejoices in the pleasures of his current life, which give him hope for the future, and sees how he has changed from a young man who was “flying from something that he dreads” instead of seeking “the thing he loved”.

Here’s my favorite part of the poem.

And now, with gleams of half-extinguish’d thought,
With many recognitions dim and faint,
And somewhat of a sad perplexity,
The picture of the mind revives again:

While here I stand, not only with the sense
Of present pleasure, but with pleasing thoughts
That in this moment there is life and food
For future years. And so I dare to hope
Though changed, no doubt, from what I was, when first
I came among these hills; when like a roe
I bounded o’er the mountains, by the sides
Of the deep rivers, and the lonely streams,
Wherever nature led; more like a man
Flying from something that he dreads, than one
Who sought the thing he loved.

Beautiful, isn’t it?

And the surrounding area is just as stunning.

The Wye Valley

The other thing Wales is known for

And the abbey’s near the Forest of Dean Gruffalo trail. Literature wherever you look.

Have you ever revisited a place several years later? How did it make you feel? What’s on your bucket list?

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Filed Under: Thoughtfulness

Help a romance blogger bring clean water to Africa

20 Nov2012 posted by Kat

When I saw that one of my favorite romance bloggers, Limecello, was organizing an online fundraiser for a charity that brings fresh water to people in developing countries, I got excited. Really excited. You know what’s the best thing about it? You don’t even have to donate money if you don’t want to. All you have to do is leave a comment on her blog.

So I contacted her to ask if there was a way I could help.

For the past six years, I’ve worked for international charities as a writer and editor. I’ve been really fortunate to go to East Africa a couple of times, and I’ve seen what a huge difference it makes when people have access to clean water. I’d like to share with you some of the things I’ve seen, people I’ve met and stories I’ve heard.

Me with kids at the only watering hole I saw in northern Kenya

In the interest of transparency, you should know that I’ve never worked for the charity Limecello is fundraising for (charity:water). The projects I’ve visited were funded and implemented by the Red Cross and UNICEF, so what I describe here are not initiatives by charity:water.

But water is water, and water is life. I hope to show you how lack of water changes life for people who don’t have easy access to it. And I really hope that this will inspire you to do something simple and FREE: leave a comment on Limecello’s blog post to help bring clean water to communities that are desperate for it.

No water, no food

If you’ve ever lived in a farming community, you’ll know how true this is. But the people I visited in northern Kenya—the Turkana—are not farmers. They’re nomadic herders.

A Turkana woman. The necklaces are an indication of wealth.

Their families aren’t the only ones who rely on water. Their livestock do, too, and the animals were perishing for lack of water. I can’t tell you how many animal skeletons I saw scattered along the side of the road. For the Turkana to watch their livestock die is like losing their very own life. In fact, that is a very real risk.

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