Even before I started writing novels, I’ve always loved reading authors’ bios. When I try out a new novelist, I usually read the first page and then flip to the inside back cover. If they’re both well written and interesting, I feel more confident about my chances of connecting with the author and the story she’s written.
There’s a lot of pressure in writing an author bio. Fortunately, I already know a few things I’d never include.
1. She lives with her very own romance novel hero.
My husband is my hero, but mostly because he lived with me for four years and still decided to marry me. The man deserves a medal for putting up with my absentmindedness and love of clutter.
But is he my romance novel hero? Uh, no. For one thing, he’s not a figment of my imagination. He’s a real man with all that entails.
As sweet as it is when authors refer to their husbands as their real-life romance novel heroes, I don’t feel that phrase adequately describes who he is to me. Perhaps I’ll go with: “She lives with a guy who can make her laugh, cry, clench her teeth, and roll her eyes – all in a matter of minutes.”
2. She writes sex scenes based on her real life.
This one makes me laugh. And then feel a bit nauseated. I did actually read this in an author’s bio back in the 90s, and it not only ruined the book for me, it also made me feel a little sad – the sex scenes were disappointing.
3. She’s been writing stories since she learned to hold a pencil.
It’s somewhat true, but no one outside this blog need know about that paranormal romance I started when I was 8 – the one that featured a young Frankenstein as the hero. He took a young lady on a date to the ice skating rink in his little red Corvette.
Nor does anyone need to know about the romance I wrote when I was about 14. The one with a chapter called “Dancing naked horizontally in bed”. (I thought the word “sex” was too crass, and “making love” just made me giggle. Still does. The phrase, I mean, not…oh, never mind.)
What would you never write in your bio?